It was supposed to be just another lazy day as I am about to go back to university.
But it turned out to be....
The news came in so fast that....
He is a healthy guy, a stable guy, a strong one.... But an accident took its toll..
I never though I would get this feeling, but I did...
I felt empty. So, I questioned myself...
No one could understand what I was going through...
He meant so much to me. We shared a lot. We got into trouble, fights (not physical), entered competitions (together). My whole world revolved around "us".
Having fun felt wrong. Going back on a wakeboard felt selfish. (We used to wakeboard together). Going back in my dance group felt okay but something was missing. He used to film all my dance recitals and rehearsals whenever he can watch me.
I wanted to wake up. To get my life back, to start going on my track. I didn't just WANT to wake up, I NEED to wake up... (It was a fact that I knew I should face)
How I wish it came sooner, but I am still glad something got me up from this deep and unproductive slumber..
I never had a failing mark in school. I never felt so left out. I have never felt more alone when I realized even my own world has left me.
Alex was a push in the back, a pat on the shoulder. Everything I needed to get through life.
A sign of smile, a sheer of giggle used to make me feel I was being selfish. While here I was on earth living, my best friend who had so much plans for his future was nowhere to be found.
But I made a choice. To not let this go by without a fight. To take my life back. To make my world turn according on how I wanted it to be.
I was blessed to have met an incredible, loving, understanding guy who never once failed to turn everything into an adventure. He enjoyed the gift of life.
He has taught me to find the craziest, funniest and weirdest things in situations that tried to pull me back. A legacy he has left me and everyone who had the privilege to know him in his lifetime.
When I have learned to let go and to continue on without him I came to know that when I'm happy or letting go of my boisterous laugh, I make him live on in me.
Now, it feels so great to know that I have gained another angel when I lost a friend on earth.
You are always in my thoughts, Alex. Someday when time has come we will soon bask under the same sunlight.
