When We Meet Again

Hi Alex,

  I am sitting here at your tomb while I am writing this. It's rainy, weather has been bad recently. But it did not stop me to visit you. I know it has been a long time since I last came to see you, 4... 6 months? But that doesn't mean you're forgotten. I am still learning to live these days ahead without you, ok? (So, cut me some slack) :D

  You know, someone once told me, "Move on, life will not be the same however it must continue." That was a dead end for me. I wanted to scream, to run away, to hide... to cry but I can't. I am strong... I don't have a choice but to be strong. Who would pick me up when I breakdown? Who would get my broken pieces back together when I crumble? I need to help myself. I need to  to show you that I can.

  Life played with us, Alex. There have been times that I felt I've known you for a very long time. I don't know why I felt that way. Now, it feels like I have only had you for a week. 

  I wish I whispered how much I love you, how much I care, how much your voice calms me through the storm. I wish I could have you back. To have you there standing behind me again with a handkerchief in hand to wipe these tears away. I don't know where these tears are coming from, it just won't stop falling and I don't think it ever would. 

  It's raining again....lucky I had the people set up a tent for me. Don't worry, I am not getting drenched. 

  Remember when you told me that you will be here with me no matter what. Yeah, well. I hope you kept that promise. 'Cause right now, it's just me. Am I mad at myself? Am I guilty for letting you come home that night? Was it my selfishness to want to see you?

  There are a lot of questions lingering in my mind. What could have been... What if.... Would it be....

  I'd give anything in the world to see you, to feel you, to hold you, to hug you again. And when He grants my request, I would never let you go. 

  Teach me, Alex. Teach me how to be me without you. Help me, Alex. Help me, spend my days like how I used to. Guide me, Alex. Guide me to be the one willing to take risks.

  Forever in my heart,

A....