What's more painful than being left behind? It's when someone leaves without a clue, without a quick look back and it's when you know they're never coming back no matter how hard you cry or wish or even pray.
I caught myself thinking again. Being on the 4th floor of a building where I am enclosed by four office walls, I can't help but have my mind drift back to you. I was wondering, would you come pick me up in my office? Have those mini surprises just like those when I was still studying? Or just come to my office, with some KFC or McDonald's in hand and claim that it's an official "lunch-slash-meeting date"? I miss those times. When you kidnap me from my university and take me to a mall just cause you found a new restaurant that you wanted to try. Those were the best lunch breaks I ever had. Would it make you proud if I told you that I am working for what you claim to be your favorite place on earth? I just so wish I could see the proud smirk for the last time.
Same time two years ago, I was in denial that no matter how hard I pray or cry you just won't rise back from the grave. It was so hard to see you lying there. I can't even bring myself to say that you're gone. It's that statement that took so long before I finally mastered up the courage to fight back tears whenever I am asked about you.
How could it be? Why should it be you? Why did you have to go so soon? Those are questions that I asked. Though I know I will never have the answer to them, I have slowly accepted that you're never going to be here. It hurts like hell that I had to go through every single day knowing that you're gone.
Remember when I used to tell you that I hear girls saying they wished they had a guy best friend? Yeah, I still hear girls wish for that. I was there, smiling knowing I had the best friend anyone could ever have and that it's a shame that they haven't had the chance to have someone like you in their lives. That they'd never get to experience how fun, cool and great it would be to have you. I can't help but wish that you were still here though.
Some nights ago I witnessed an accident. A car crash. It gave me thoughts about you. Of how hurt you were that night, how much pain you have suffered or how much time you only had left then. It hurts me so much knowing that I could've helped. That I could've done something, but I didn't. All because I was too scared that if I see you lying in the hospital bed, my vision of you, of how I see you would just come crumbling down. It was hard, to see a lifeless body that used to hold so much life, that used to be the source of a boisterous laugh, of what was once a source of the world's stupid pranks.
However, out of all the questions that crossed my mind, the one that I truly couldn't have the heart to find the answer was, "what about me?", where would I be now that you're nowhere near me. I am just thankful because it was still the comfort of knowing that I was blessed knowing that someone like you has been a part of my life even for just a shortwhile.
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